Time

It seems time passes so quickly. One minute you're young and partying like there's no tomorrow, then you're sitting in a rocking chair wondering were it all went. Every year that passes makes me feel like there is so much that I've missed. Friends getting married, Friends having kids, life moving foreword and I feel left behind. Is it that I've been removed from these events and lives for so long that I'm just a passing thought or memory or is it that these things make me think of all the people that I used to enjoy spending time with.

Christopher Martin 1/13/92 - 04/02/11

Chis Martin was/is my nephew. To this day I still remember the day he was born and unfortunately I will always remember the day he died. He was an amazing person. Full of life in every way you can imagine. When it came to sport there wasn't anything that he couldn't do! Baseball, Football, Basketball were the sports he loved and strived to be amazing at. Not to mention ROTC.
But none of this matters now. It is all his legacy!
Chris was more then my nephew, He was my friend & and in a way my little brother. Being the youngest of four kids I loved when I became an uncle! I remember looking down into the sweet face on the day he was born thinking to myself that now their was some one that will look up to me and I better live accordingly. Now for a seventeen year old thats not easy but I did try and I always tried to be there to be with him when I could. I'd visit him at daycare(which blew up in my face cause I didn't tell my sister, his mom, that I was going to) but he loved it!
After they moved to Georgia for my sisters work I remember one year I met them at the air port and Chris and I rode back to Bonham Tx jsut me and him! It was the best 1 1/2 hour drive of my life which ended with me offroading to his delight in the empty lot across from my parents house!
The day I found out Chris passed I was at a photography seminar in down town Atlanta. I have never felt so out of control in my life. My whole world seemed to fall away when I heard the words that he was in an accident and he didn't make it! I honestly asked my wife(who was the one to tell me) if she was fucking with me. My heart shattered into a million pieces!
I look at the picture at the begining of this post(which was taken a few days before he died) and It makes me feel that he was looking to the future and the hopefullness of what it holds.
Chris Like so many other kids got in with a bad group and like always bad things happen. But I'm not going into that cause that was never Chris and That is not what I want to remember. You might be wondering if that wasn't chris what was. Well let me tell you. The first time he met his step cousin he was all about her! He took her and showed her how to shoot baskets and played PS3 with her and if his friends didn't like it they could go home. that made me so proud of him! Even through the bad stretch he was still the big hearted loveing person that I always knew and love!
...To Be Continued...

Frustration

You ever wonder if your path in life is wrong? I have been for awhile now. I've been chasing this dream to be a photographer for a few years now and it is starting to seem that all I'm doing is running into brick wall after brick wall. I've taken more classes and read more books on the subject then I ever did in school. But for some reason I can't get it started. Sometimes I feel it's because I am in Georgia and not Texas. I know back home I would have a bunch of people who would let me shoot them for my portfolio and would give my name to everyone they know that needs a photographer. The unfortunate thing is I have alot of friends there but not really any here. I have people that I know through work but no one I really hang out with like I have in Tx. But is that fair to say that things would be better if I was there and not here or am i just transferring the blame? I don't really know. What I do know is that I am tired of banging my head against a wall! I know I have the talent to do this but do I have the strength anymore to keep pushing up hill. I can't really talk to my wife about it cause all that does is gets us into a fight that I hate having. She thinks I should go be an assistant to a photographer and move my way up from there. But I really don't think I need to follow some one around for minimum wage to be able to do this. there way too many people that have never done that and at successful photographers. I don't know any more!
I don't think anyone reads this so I am pretty much just ranting to myself! But if anyone does Thanx for listening!